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  • Writer's pictureKip

Llanharan 40 Penarth 18

Here's the latest Match Day Report from the pen of Danielle Steel:

Llanharan RFC got their season back on track with a convincing, 6 try win over a well organized and tenacious, Penarth team, who were, themselves, coming off the back of a 5 try win over Canton.

Two players made their New Llanharan debuts. Kieran Martin, who rivals Scott Jones in the “I love myself” camp”. He is the son of long time club narcissist David Martin, made famous because he played 3 seasons with a pound of potatoes down his pants. Only after 3 years did someone tell him to put the potatoes down the front

The other newbie was Lewis Williams, who played out of position on the wing. He immediately gained legendary status by bouncing a would be tackler. He has the distinctipn of being the only player in the squad who is taller lying down.

The game started at a furious pace, where the Dairymen played with power and purpose and only some last ditch, courageous defence saved Penarth. However, something had to give, and after some patient and well structured phases, the ball found it’s way to Jack Pring, who, running like his shoe laces were tied together, squeezed in at the corner. The try was converted by the dependable pin up boy (if you like Korean boy bands), who was celebrating the fact that his agent had just secured a personal sponsorship deal with Matalan.

The second score came soon after, where a break by the always excellent, Lloyd Gregory, was supported by the hard working and ever dependable Chris Osborne, who crossed under the posts. The successful conversion took the score to 14 – 3. It was straight from the kick off that Chris was once again put in the clear with 60 meters to run. Unfortunately with 20 meters left, it appeared that someone dropped a fridge on Chris’s back. However, from the following ball contest Ross “666” Pritchard, stretched to make the line. Ross has settled into the centre with ease, and this was his best game. Personally, I would like to thank Ross’s match day sponsor “Park prison” for providing him with bed and breakfast and I am sure the orange jump suit will come into fashion soon. Another playing revelation this year has been Leon Burton who, despite having a beard resembling a scruffy coconut, has impressed with his all action, ultra competitive style of play. It was Leon, who scored the bonus point try, before half time.


Half time score 24 – 6


The half time changing room was the most memorable of any game. During the half time debrief, a Llanharan committee man walked into the changing room stopped the coach in mid flow and handed him a carrier bag full of sandwiches

With the game all but over as a contest by half time, changes were made resulting in 2 more tries. The first by crowd favorite Rhys Dauncey, who could not train in the week because his jelly hadn’t set, and it would have spoiled his partners birthday. The final try was scored by Richard Byers, who used his power, pace and great footwork to shimmy past 2, 16 year old defenders and blast his way over from 7 inches


Full time score – 40 – 18


Waiting in the club, ready to rain on the Llanharan parade were the closest living relatives of Stadlar and Waldorf. These lifelong Llanharan supporters were Mike Thomas, whose stomach placed an unfair amount of pressure on the zip of his anorak, Hugh Lewis, who was celebrating his 85 birthday and kept bumping on about the game was much better when a try was worth 3 points. Next to him was Chris Pearce, who was on his first trip outside the home without a carer. And finally, the dirtiest player in all of the greater Llanharan and Brynna area, J D, whose face appears to be the recipient of a thousand punches. After spending 30 minutes in their company, death by lethal injection seemed like a good option.

Andy Price, celebrating 7th anniversary of a stain on his living room carpet stated, “I don’t know how Gareth Nicholas keeps producing such quality performances with the forwards, he is a rugby magician”

Clint, the team manager stated “the kit is coming lads”.


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