Llantwit Major RFC 0 Llanharan RFC 12

Looks like Gareth Nicholas is up for another season of literary mayhem. This his first report of Season 23/24, totally unedited as usual:

Llantwit Major match report 12/08/23

This was a game that had everything apart from excitement. Played in a howling gale and constant drizzle, combined with a slope on the pitch which resembled the north face of the Eiger, all conspired to ensure that the outside backs were never going to receive a plentiful supply of quality attacking passes. This was indeed the case. However, when they did receive ball, usually from kicks, crowd favorite Ryan Russell and, soon to be crowd favorite, Adam Lewis, showed glimpses of what we can expect.

A huge vote of thanks must go to one time flanker Chris Osborne, who has completely given up on trying to keep his waistline under control and has succumbed to the inevitable and moved up to the front row. In what was a baptism of fire, Chris showed what he is made of and knuckled down to a long afternoon.

Another newbe to impress was former Cowbridge youth scrum half, Iwan Bartle although he is yet to go through puberty and he sounds like little Lord Fonteroy when he talks, he displayed a ruthless, nasty side., with his elbow taking no prisoners. Technically his passing displays coaching and results in a sharp accurate pass, giving the outside half more time on the ball. His constant sniping kept the opposition on their toes and he resembled a 10 year old street urchin shop lifting sweets from the pick-N-mix.

One issue is the link between 9 and 10. Although both Iwan and Lewis are quality players, they refuse to talk to each other because Lewis cheated during a game of cowboys and Indians.

The first 20 minute period remained scoreless, although the dairymen could take great heart from an outstanding defencive effort, filled with physicality and discipline, while at all times being mindful of the new laws.

It was just before the end of the second period when the deadlock was broken. An accurate offload after a strong run by Owain Howe, found the hands of the perfectly groomed , but spatially unaware, Kieran Martin, who although being over the tryline, decided to pass the ball to the try machine, that is Jack Thomson, whose try was converted by someone for Llan to lead 7 – 0.

The final third was largely a war of attrition. This was when Joe Buckle (the second favourite son of Paul Buckle) came to the forefront. It is rare to find a player whose body is so pudgy and feminine and yet runs with such aggression and purpose

The final score was a ripper. After a penalty was awarded, the chocolate boy showed great awareness to spot fellow exponent of the spray tan Adam Lewis, in space. C B then put in an inch perfect cross field kick, which was skillfully collected by Adam. However their celebratory dance (a perfect and full rendition of the Kenny classic) was completely unnecessary

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_fkux6Ha9g

final score Llantwit Major 0 – 12 Llanharan