Match Report

The Enid Blyton of Match Reporters, Gareth Nicholas, is back with his first League Report of the season.

Gilfach Goch 2/9/23 match report

With a bonus point secured by half time and a purple patch in the second half, which yielded 21 points in 5 minutes, this appears to have been a walk in the park for the newly promoted Dairymen. However, Llanharan had to overcomes some stern defence, combined with the lottery of the new tackle laws, all of which indicates that this was a very good opening win for Llan.

There were several debutants in the starting side, and the opening try, after about 4 minutes, was scored by Jack Brookes, who powered over to mark a dream debut for the ex Newport centre.

Jack, who is a founder member of the “Ginger lives Matter” chose to take a knee, during the post game rendition of Sweet Caroline. He was quickly joined by, man of the match, and fellow fair skinned, sunblock user, Rhys Taylor. Owen Howe has chosen to register as a non ginger, incase we exceed the European Ginger Quota.

After the opening try the game lost all shape, due mainly to a stream of penalties. However, with both props, dominating their opposite numbers, it would not be long before points would start to build up. Rhys Taylor, in particular, gave his opposite number (a player who was taller lying down) a torrid afternoon. However, the extreme temperature played havoc with Jay Fletcher, who eventually had to be replaced, while suffering from the very serious condition of, Tomato Head.

Jack Thomson rounded off a long distance effort with a 5 pointer, followed by a brace, by the always impressive Ieuan Pring.

The bonus point was gained by half time, and the icing on the cake was provided by, under threat, chocolate boy Scott Jones. Usually Scott’s main competition for club narcissist is his old fella Kev – top dancer and Sid James look alike. However, yesterday Adam Lewis, a recruit from local division 3 side, Pontyclun, made a claim for best hair and most perfect spray tan. To make matters worse, Adam scored 2 tries, which showcased his pace and elusiveness. On top of that Kieran Martyn with his lazar etched and immaculate stubble, is also in the mix.

The last two tries were scored by the rapidly balding Ieuan Evans and the player who is not a strong as he looks, Ryan Russell

Final score Gilfach Goch 7 – 59 Llanharan