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  • Writer's pictureKip


After a long hiatus through no fault of his own, the winner of the Sunday Times Literary Award for 2022, Gareth Nicholas, is back with his latest best seller:

Match report, Llanharan V Cefn Cribbwr - 3rd December 2022

Before I start, I’m sure everybody would like to join me in wishing, club legend, Meirion Reynolds a speedy recovery, who is currently in hospital in Merthyr. Rumour has it that he has severely injured three NHS workers, 2 porters, who tried to lift him from the trolley to the bed, and a nurse who may never get the sight back in her right eye, after Meirion inhaled and a button from his pyjama top struck her right on her cornea.


On a bitterly cold day, made to feel even colder by the biting wind, the Dairymen ran out comfortable winners against a tenacious and physical Cefn side. It was a rusty performance, which was to be expected, as due to cancellations, the 1st team had not played since the 15th October.

Stand out performances for the Dairymen were –

Ryan Russell at 15, who was a constant threat, running from deep and always beating the first defender. Unfortunately, the second defender usually cuts him in half. Ryan is the only person in living memory to receive a full refund from his steroid supplier. A little known fact about Ryan is that he makes all his own clothes, hence , he is challenging Chris Langdon for Llanharan’s worst dressed man.

Morgan Parsons at 5 is maturing into a quality second row. Unfortunately, as a small child, Morgan spent many an hour chewing the lead paint off the railings outside his primary school. His mother encouraged it because it “kept him quiet”. As a result he is now dependent on a comforter and blanky to function in every day life.

Lee Arthur, capped a composed performance by making a break. Nuff said

Young master Coggy, starting for only the second time for Llan 1st team showed what a composed and skillful young man he is. Identifying space and putting players into those spaces with some deft touches and skillful passing. However, his kicking from the floor needs practice and the sound of the ball coming off his foot is similar to kicking a bowl of barely set jelly

The dairymen finished with a 34 – 0 win, scoring six tries in the process

All in all the game has prepared the Llan for the games to come. By the end of January we will know whether we are in the mix for the cup and promotion.

Over heard after the game

Andy Price – can somebody explain the offside law in relation to a maul

Kev Jones – don’t now I played 10

Derrick Cashmore - you put you left leg in, your left leg out

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Love this can't breathe for laughing 🤣🤣🏈

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