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  • Writer's pictureKip

Match Report Tylorstown

Here's Gareth's report on the Tylorstown game:

Tylorstown match report -22/04/2023

Ok, so the coach got it wrong. According to professor Big Brain, Phil Hearne, we are not already up, but need 1 more point from the 4 remaining games to ensure we start next season in division 2.

There was still a hang over from Wednesday’s narrow defeat, at the start of the game and the build up, but this was soon put to bed, as Tom Preece grabbed the game by the scruff and with clever use of running angles, brute strength and lots and lots of luck, he crashed over for the first two tries. However, he still holds the title of lower Beddau’s most irritating human.

It was a pleasure to see Louis Stansbury back to some sort of form. He put in one enormous run, where he burst through the Tylorstown defensive line like a tortoise in a lettuce patch. Vegetables are scared of this man’s speed.

Ht Llanharan 17 – 0 Tylorstown

Other scorers were Scott Jones, the man who is a bigger aphrodisiac to women than a dachshund laying on its back waiting for his stomach to be rubbed. Especially for his female fans, he scored his try very slowly.

Try of the day has to go to every mother’s dreamboat, Alex Newbold. Llanharan’s nice boy started the movement behind his own try line and finished it by chasing down Scott Jones’ kick. The telepathic understanding between these two Llan stalwarts is a cross between dumb and dumber and Laurel and Hardy.

Lewis Cogbill is a player who is improving with every game. Unfortunately, he was not allowed to play last week as he hadn’t finished his homework and was cheeky to his mother. He also had to go to bed without any supper.

Another returning super hero was Brandon Nelson. Brandon hasn’t been playing recently due to money worries. He has developed a Greggs habit, which at its peek was manifesting itself in the form of 5 sausage rolls, a six pack of donuts, 2 steak slices and a breakfast roll. He has sought help and is in rehab, but we ask that you do not feed the Brandon.

Although the tigers never gave up, the Dairymen claimed the bonus point with something to spare.

Final score Tylorstown 10 – 31 Llanharan

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